If you clicked on this tab going, "I'd better click here because I have no idea what's going on," I totally understand. Finding posts ranging in content from Lenny Kravitz and Pokemon to Dobby and ketchup is a little disconcerting when people are used to seeing a blog by a woman and expecting to find posts about her outfits, personal life, or angry rants regarding controversial subjects. I bet you're missing the "love story" tab too, huh?
"BUT SHE'S MARRIED. WHY CAN'T I SEE ALL OF HER WEDDING PICTURES AND CREEP ON SHE AND HER HUSBAND'S CONSTRUCTED RELATIONSHIP ON THE INTERNET?!"
It's hard, I know. It was tough for me to abstain from it as well. I really crave validation—it lets me know whether or not I made the right choice in marrying my husband. Without everyone's praise, it's really hard to trust myself or know if we're a trendy enough couple.
Just kidding. I MUST GET BACK ON TRACK. I said I was going to explain what this blog is, right? Right. Okay. Deep breaths.
(Now pretend like you and I are sitting around a campfire, and I have a piece of wheat sticking out of my mouth and all of a sudden I look like an old, wizened man with a playful, mischievous gleam in my eye and a gravely southern accent. If this is uncomfortable for you, you may take your s'more and leave the campfire, but I can't promise you won't attract bears in the forest. It's safer here. Okay. Here we go.)
Let me spin you a yarn.
(He really glows like this)
It all began with the tiny 86¢ notebook I bought at a grocery store my freshman year of college. I was tired of all my ideas and thoughts populating dozens of sticky notes and torn slips of paper and written all over the margins of my notes in class, so I decided I’d bring this little guy home in an attempt to better organize them—and so I'd stop finding crumpled sticky notes in my pants. From that day on, I brought him around with me wherever I went, since inspiration would strike at any moment and I never wanted to forget any off-the-wall thing that popped into my head.
And oh, did they pop. Like corn. Or a fresh sheet of bubblewrap.
As he started to fill up, I started to want to share my thoughts with people because, at least to me, they were rather entertaining. And continuing to scrunch them into Facebook statuses seemed somehow inhumane. Coincidentally, for the greater part of my freshman year one of my roommates had been encouraging threatening me to start a blog—she must have found me entertaining on some level (probably like, a 4)—and so, with her ever-insistent pressure and my newfound desire to share my craziness with the world, I gave in.
And this blog was born.
The name Cambivalence came from my own ambivalence regarding just what exactly this blog was about. Because I couldn't put my finger on it. Not even a toe. It wasn't a fashion blog or a lifestyle blog or a cooking blog or a photography blog or an angsty feelings blog or any sort of blog that already had a label. I'd analyze a poem one day and wax philosophical, then write a completely farcical and loopy list the next day. I'd share a really powerful experience I had and what I learned from it, then turn around and draw an odd doodle of myself as a mustard yellow sweater. But, oddly enough, I liked that I couldn't label it.
Thus, Cambivalence.
Over the last few years I've found a greater purpose in writing here as I've come to discover a lot more about myself. I've learned that nothing makes me happier than writing and creating. I've learned that I have a lot (probably too much) to say, coupled with a strong desire to share it with people. And I've learned that, in the least clichéd way possible, I truly want to make the world a better place, even if all that means right now is having a blog that's positive, where I share things I find amusing or possibly profoundly important with whoever feels inclined to listen. Because I think we're all aware that the world has enough negativity and cynicism to go around. I'd like to think that I can do a little something to help clear the dark, angry cloud surrounding the internet. Because that cloud makes me sad.
So hopefully among the random thoughts I share you'll find something that will make you laugh, something you might resonate with, or something to simply brighten your day.
If I can do that, then I will have succeeded.
I'm glad you're here.
