EXCERPTS FROM MY LITTLE GREEN NOTEBOOK

In order to understand this post, I must first try to explain my brain...

Well...It's CRAZY.

Seriously. I'll be walking through campus on my way to class, eating a bowl of cereal, or lying in fetal position on the ground or something and a random spurt of inspiration will suddenly pop into my head. Like an awkward flash of lightning. It can quite literally happen at any moment, and based on the fact that I cannot control when it does, I always have to write my thoughts down before I forget them.

But this practice resulted in me drowning in a sea of To-Do Lists and confusion without a canoe or a life preserver...or an angsty ginger mermaid to save me. I had lists in my school notebooks, on the backs of envelopes and receipts, on a whiteboard in my room, on Word documents on my computer, and on a range of brightly colored Post-it notes that littered my desk and walls like sad, discombobulated glitter (as opposed to the regular, bobulated glitter). It was madness. And I was lost...

Ain't he just beautiful?

Until the day I saw a tiny, unassuming notepad at the grocery store and fell in love. And brought him home. And vowed to take him everywhere I went so I could keep all of my ideas in one place...one insane, messed up place. Honestly, sometimes I look through it and read something that I wrote in the middle of the night and try to figure out why I thought it was so funny, or how I even got to that point of thought in the first place. And then some other times I'm like CAMRYN HOW DO YOU EVEN FUNCTION IN SOCIETY YOU ARE SO STRANGE. Here are a few examples in order to better illustrate what I'm talking about:

"When I first met my roommate Gertrude, I thought she had some sort of Latin ethnicity in her. Maybe it was her slightly darker skin coloring, maybe it was her luscious dark hair....or maybe it was the way she always carried a plate of tacos in her purse."

"I love how when people here talk about Utah they're always like- 'Well, I love the mountains, but...' Yeah. That's all you have going for you, Utah."

"Every time I open a can of Campbell's Soup, I think of Andy Warhol...and I wonder why his Marilyn Monroe paintings didn't end up being used as the design for the can...and then I realize that it's probably because Marilyn Monroe doesn't sell soup...she sells something else..."

"If you act super confident and seem like you know what you're talking about, everyone will believe you. #lifelessonswithcamryn" (I have no idea where this came from)

"That I'm Blue song is either saying 'And I'm in need of a guy' or 'I was beat as a child.' ...Three of those are not true."

"Things that Creep Me Out #162 - those toe shoe things. It's gross. We wear normal shoes to disguise the fact that we even have toes, and then these things come along...WHY." 

"The next time that girl in my Geography class looks at my notes whenever I write something down, I'm going to write something along the lines of 'HIDE THE BODY' or 'NEED TO POLISH MACHETE FOR TONIGHT.'"

"Need to write more ironic sonnets."

"That awkward moment when you're walking behind a white guy and a rather voluptuous black woman and they're shaped exactly the same from the waist down."

"Today I learned that I share my birthday with John Stamos. Everything in my life makes so much more sense now."

Basically everything in this post. At 2 in the morning. Between intermittent periods of sleep and consiousness. I have the half-legible notes to prove it.

"If ever you're feeling down, open up a map of Ireland and try reading the names with an accent. Instant happiness."

"I'm pretty sure that Black Friday at Wal-Mart is the closest example we have of what the apocalypse would look like. Although there would be zombies eating people instead of elderly women fighting over socks...but yeah. Basically the same thing."

"'You know what...I want some figgy pudding,' said no one ever."

"J-Biebs makes me feel like one less lonely girl. She is so thoughtful!"

"I just watched The Bachelor for the first time. I think they should rename it The Harem."

"Whenever I need to humble myself, I think of the drummer from Def Leppard, and how he only has one arm. And how he'd completely dominate me at the drums with that one arm...and that usually works pretty well for me."

"Sometimes I think about how everyone says that they want Morgan Freeman to narrate their lives, and then I think about how I usually text my friends in ALL CAPITAL LETTERS LIKE THIS the majority of the time, and then I realize that it would probably be more accurate if Billy Mays narrated my life...only he's dead. And I'm also not a cleaning detergent. So that wouldn't work."