Tonight, while lounging on the couch eating slice after slice of mediocre pizza and watching game 6 of the Stanley Cup finals after an exhausting Monday, I had a thought. The kind of thought that only happens when certain thoughts have already occurred and are sitting in your brain and then all of a sudden culminate in one big, epiphanic moment that leaves you wide-eyed, covered in goosebumps, and/or crying profusely.
(Not really.)
But it's still cool.
So here's my theory.
I've watched a lot of hockey through the years, and for some reason it never occurred to me until tonight that all the players look the same. They're all about the same build, the same skin tone, have similar facial features, and always have the same beard. Always. Which reminded me of Star Wars and the stormtroopers and Jango Fett and led me to the realization that HOCKEY PLAYERS ARE LIKE THE STORMTROOPERS. THEY'RE ALL CLONES. EITHER THAT OR...COUSINS.
Which then made me think about American Pharaoh's recent Triple Crown win and how people are going to be paying a lot of money to have him make baby horses with their horses and made me think WAYNE GRETZKY. HE'S THE JANGO FETT OF THIS WHOLE OPERATION. All today's players got some Gretzky in them.
All of this is completely true. 100%. IT'S A CONSPIRACY.
I need to go to bed.
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