Showing posts with label Deepish Thoughts By Camryn. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Deepish Thoughts By Camryn. Show all posts

9.10.2018

ODE TO A HUMMINGBIRD

Although Fall doesn't officially begin until late September, I'm one of those people who wants expects the weather to start turning cooler and more autumnal as soon as Labor Day gets itself over with. It's not that I don't like the Summer. I actually really like Summer.  My birthday is in the Summer, vacations usually happen in the Summer, and I like getting more freckles and making s'mores and longer daylight and all of those things. I just don't like Summer when it means 90+ degree weather ALL THE TIME. It's kind of hard to do summery things outside and enjoy them when twenty minutes outside of air conditioning makes you feel and look like you've ben stuck in a damp plastic bag and left on a dashboard. And then when you feel like that EVERY SINGLE DAY for THREE MONTHS, is it that surprising that you're kind of done with it? And possibly developing a very real case of Summer S.A.D? (I don't really think I have this, but there were a few days this Summer when I was like, I HAVE SAD. EVERYONE I HAVE SAD.) 


So right now, as it's still getting into the 90s every day and I have a closet full of sweaters itching to be worn (there's a striped one that is getting particularly eager--I have to shake him off in the mornings), I'm just a little very done. Very, very done. I sincerely hope I have emphasized this enough. I can keep emphasizing if you need me to. I minored in Emphasis. 

But I digress.

A week or so ago (or probably like six or seven weeks ago because this year is flying past me), I was looking out of our kitchen window when a hummingbird descended from a tree up above and zipped down to hover right beyond the window and stare at me. The moment didn't last long--within a few beats he had zoomed back up and over the tree out of sight. But it made me pause, if only for another moment, and think about how fantastic it was. I've always loved hummingbirds. I love how you see them so rarely, so when they do edge into your peripheral vision it's always exciting and fleeting and magical--the way they beat their wings so fast and cut through the air like some otherworldly UFOs. Encountering one is special. 

I also recently learned that a group of hummingbirds is called a charm or a glittering

A CHARM. 

A GLITTERING.

I swear I didn't make this up. A group of hummingbirds seen together at once is so special and so unusual and so magical that the grand namer of animal groups (Dave) decided to call them a charm (or a glittering). Which perfectly fits with how I feel when I see just one on its own, and of course how I felt that day when that tiny, jewel of a hummingbird deigned to visit me down below outside my window. Charmed. 

Which brings me to the end of the sidewalk of my thoughts. Day-to-day life is muddy and messy, often arduous, and full of days just hot enough to make you want to throw things. And that isn't going to change. Fall will come, yes, but afterward will be a Winter you at first embrace then quickly denounce once the Christmas tree is taken down. There will always be something, every day, that you could choose to allow to bother you and get you down. Maybe even multiple somethings--waiting to frustrate and disturb and upset around every corner. But there are also charms of hummingbirds waiting around the next, or perhaps even just one on its own, flying down to hover outside your window to remind you that they exist. To remind you that there is beauty and joy and goodness to find just as much as there are things to complain about. 

Sometimes it's just a glittering on the edge of a regular humdrum day, other times it's overflowing right in front of you, but it's always there. And it always will be. 

And that isn't going to change. 

4.27.2016

SUBTOTALS: COLLEGE EDITION

Last week I donned a strange, brain-sucking hat made of cardboard, a long, flowing robe, and was hastily photographed in front of a green screen by strange people before having my name read into a microphone and walking 20 feet across a stage to have a diploma placed in my arms. And with that, I graduated. 

In the midst of all of this pomp and circumstance and eating out a million times with family and having confusing homework withdrawals during the haze of these last few days, I’ve started thinking about numbers. When using numbers as a means of measurement, everything is concise, everything is quantifiable, everything can be understood. College is all about numbers. Numbers are used to determine what grades you get, what GPA you have, how well you do on a test, how many credits you need to graduate, how many classes you need to take to graduate, and basically tell you how successful you are in your efforts. They’ve told me a lot of things over the past few years. They’ve given me honors, they’ve helped me keep my scholarship, and they’ve told me again and again, that, according to the school system we use to determine intellectual ability, I have done rather well, and, apparently, am pretty brainy. But, despite all of that, and all of the meaning we place on numbers in college, I don’t feel all that amazing. I don’t feel like I've finished my learning, or really accomplished anything particularly spectacular. The numbers say I have, but I'm still not sure how I feel about that. It's a strange feeling. 

But what I do know is that there are a lot of other things that have factored into my college experience and as I look back on all of them, ridiculous and meaningful, I thought I'd share some. And do so by attaching numbers to them in the same form as a similar post I wrote nearly three years ago. Because I can. So here they are.

Number of times slipped on campus in icy conditions: 0. Number of buildings on campus I had class in: 9. Number of Majors declared: 2. Number of programs I applied to: 1. Number of programs I got into: 0. Number of boxes of White Cheddar Broccoli Pasta Roni I consumed: 43. Number of Egg McMuffins I made and also consumed: 148. Number of people I married: 1. Number of part time jobs: 2. Number of papers written: 72. Number of all-nighters: 0. Number of nights nearly without sleep: 13. Number of times I went to the gym: 2. Number of apartments lived in: 7. Number of apartments on the first floor of a complex: 3. Total number of roommates: 26. Number of classes taken: 44. Number of classes I genuinely enjoyed: 40. Number of horrendously awkward dates: 8. Number of horrendously or even moderately awkward dates with my now husband: 0. Number of fire drills that got me out of class/work early: 2. Number of nights I walked home in the dark feeling paranoid: 132. Number of phone calls made to my mom in times of distress: 1,031. Number of inspiring moments in class: 346. Number of laptops I used: 1. Numbers of laptops I used that I affectionately named Felix: 1. Number of times I saw my parents in person during these four years: 11. Number of TV shows or movies my roommates watched that drove me insane: 17. Number of sisters-in-law I got: 1. Number of brothers-in-law: 3. Number of road trips taken: 5. Number of miles driven on those road trips: 7,832. Number of pets: 0. Number of notebooks used: 37. Number of pens used: 45. Number of pairs of boots I wore holes into: 4. Number of pizzas consumed: 59. Number of papers published: 1. Number of times I did things I didn't think I could do: 36.