Movie reviews always tend to be too long, too biased, and too full of spoilers. I'm sorry. It's just the truth. And now that Mr. Ebert has passed, I felt that someone needed to take the reins from him and continue writing these things. And so, with a heavy heart, and very little cinematic knowledge, I have taken upon myself this sacred responsibility and have chosen to do so in haiku form to prove that every movie, even a two-and-a-half-hour epic saga, can be condensed down into a mere seventeen syllables and still get the point across.
I started out with some of the more recent ones I've seen and then decided to include a few others because I felt like it. And as my brother always says, "If it feels good, do it," which is one of Confucius' most famous proverbs. Probably. Anyways.
Les Misérables
Jean Valjean decides
To do good things for people.
But everyone dies.
The Hobbit
Bilbo Baggins learns
To go seek out adventure.
Smeagol is still gross.
Warm Bodies
Zombies are just as
Awkward as most teenage guys.
But we all knew that.
Star Trek Into Darkness
To Mr. Abrams:
You'd never kill Chris Pine off.
So don't mess with me.
Iron Man 3
Robert Downey Jr.
Doesn't have a script. He just
Makes it up. I swear.
Hunger Games
Katniss dominates
In a death match for kids. Oh,
And Peeta's there too.
The Pirates of the Caribbean Series
Pirates pillage stuff.
Why is the rum always gone?
Davy Jones is gross.
Pride & Prejudice
Lizzy and Darcy
Fall in love against all odds.
And we're all jealous.
Napoleon Dynamite
Learning to dance will
Make all your dreams come true. Oh,
And vote for Pedro.
The Entire Harry Potter Series
A teenage wizard
Gets angsty and does stuff and
Then kills Voldemort.
Warm Bodies and Harry Potter. Bwahaha.
ReplyDelete