Ahh, the first day of fall. Out with the summer, in with the season that every girl will tell you she loves, like, SO much. But you know what? There ain't no cynicism here, folks. I'm right there with 'em. From here on out, I will post as many aesthetically and un-aesthetically pleasing pictures of pumpkins as I possibly can. I will do artsy things with pinecones and fallen leaves. I will fill my home with the color orange. I will probably make a wreath. But despite all of the wonderful parts of Fall that happen naturally all on their own (changing leaves, pumpkins, crisp air, cooler weather, football, pumpkin-flavored baked goods), the early parts of the season are mixed so much with the anticipation of Halloween that sometimes these things are overshadowed by the ghoulish and the ghostly. They become a backdrop to the flashy holiday that closes the end of October. But you know what? I think the season itself creates scariness all on its own. And by the end of this list you will either agree with me, or you will suddenly realize the terror that is being inside my brain. Or both.
So. Reasons!
1. When you're walking home on an overcast autumn evening and you're the only one out on the sidewalk as far as you can see both ways, the crunching leaves you step on make it sound like someone is following you. And then it takes even longer to get home because you have to stop every few seconds to look around and make sure you're safe, or call your mom so at least she will know if you're taken (I have actually done this before), or find your keys so you can use them as a weapon, all while thinking of the people you know who live closest in case you need to run. All because of leaves.
2. Have you ever thought about how pumpkins are literally everywhere this time of year? While walking in any residential area in the next few weeks you will be able to see a pumpkin within your field of vision no matter where you turn. I'm the first to admit how freakishly much I am obsessed and in love with pumpkins, but...does the fact that they're EVERYWHERE kind of sort of slightly bother you? Like, what if the government or some secret society is using all of the pumpkins to watch us? What if there are secret organic cameras or tape recorders in there, HMMM? Who are we to say that such things haven't been invented yet? We have phones without headphone jacks now. This is serious.
3. Autumn is often a symbol for death and decay and judgment in literature. Take, for example, this poem that was on an essay test in my AP Lit class my senior year of high school. I remember noting that the choice of the verb "scythe" brings to mind the image of the Grim Reaper. If that isn't unsettling to you, you are probably the Grim Reaper. (And in that case, please, Grim Reaper, let me stay on earth a little longer so I can keep writing absurd things. And so I can collect more pumpkins. And then I will go willingly into your creepy, creepy arms.)
4. Have you ever thought about how the leaves on the ground are corpses? I'm just going to leave this one here. Think about that.
5. Harvest? Not only is this word used as a verb when talking about removing things like organs from bodies, but even when visualizing it as the "gathering the wheat and picking the fruit" type of harvest, it's kind of violent. We are plucking parts of trees off of their bodies. We are slicing down wheat and other tall field crops, possibly with a scythe. (2nd Grim Reaper reference—Love you, Reap!) If trees produced their own horror movies, they would probably feature very good looking trees screaming as a sinister farmer chuckles with small-town charm and tears the apples from their branches. Either that or forest fires. Or lumberjacks. Lumberjacks are probably to trees what clowns are to us.
6. It starts getting darker at night during this time of year. Darkness = Scary.
7. About 75% of scarecrows are probably dead bodies. I mean, why else would there always be birds sitting on them? Maybe evil farmers don't put scarecrows up in an attempt to draw birds away from their cornfields, but use the idea of the scarecrow to their advantage in order to dispose of bodies they don't want to be traced back to them. "If I Only Had a Brain" makes a lot more sense now, doesn't it? (I apologize if I just ruined your favorite childhood movie. And I'm really just talking to myself here, because the Wizard of Oz was the best when I was little and I legitimately thought I was Dorothy for about two years of my life.) You won't ever look at scarecrows the same way again, will you? I DIDN'T THINK SO.
8. Flint corn, or "Indian corn." Why are we compelled to grow and put food in our house that we can't even eat? That just seems wasteful.
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