A YEAR ON MY OWN, OR THE POST IN WHICH CAMRYN ATTEMPTS TO OFFER ADVICE

A year ago today, I turned eighteen years old. Crazy, right?

I also happened to be sardined into an SUV packed to the brim with all of my belongings as I ventured into, and I quote, "the rest of my life." That was a strange trip. My brothers and I were squished closer together than any of us deemed necessary, I had a bag-full of fast food instead of birthday cake, and for once...for once I wasn't going to be coming back. This was a one way trip for me.

Whenever big things akin to this occur in my life, I'm usually pretty numb to them, which is weird considering how I normally stress out about...pretty much everything else. On the morning of one of my last days in high school, I was talking with my favorite teacher and he asked me if it had hit me yet that I was graduating. I told him that it hadn't in the slightest, and he just smiled and said that it wouldn't become real until I was in college.

Well...yeah. That is pretty much what happened.

But on that car ride down to Utah, it still wasn't real. We pulled into the hotel that night and I lay in bed thinking about what was about to happen. And still...nothing. No emotions. Maybe a little bit of excitement, maybe a little bit of sadness about saying goodbye to my family...but honestly? Not much else. Until the next night.

I was all settled into my dorm room, I was all alone, my parents were leaving in a couple days, and beyond my brother......I didn't know ANYONE yet. And I had all these textbooks sitting on the end of my bed. And, like, responsibility. And an irrational fear that while I was showering that night I would be attacked, Psycho-style. It was weird, it was liberating, and I didn't quite know how to process it. So I locked all of the doors. And I turned up really horrible 90's music so that I wouldn't go look out of the peephole every time I heard a noise outside. Eventually I fell asleep, but the next night was the same, and after saying goodbye to my family I went back into the unfamiliar place I was now supposed to call "home" and I cried...and then I got mad at myself for crying and I stopped. 

The amount of self control I possess is almost uncanny. Anyways.

The next few days were spent wandering around campus and meeting my roommates, attending really horrible orientation activities, and psyching myself up for school. And once again I was fine. I never got homesick. I loved my classes. I made friends-- I was on my own and loving it. So when looking back to those two days a year ago where I was seriously wondering WHY THE HECK I was here...I laugh. Because my life here has been so amazing, and sometimes it really feels like the first eighteen years of my life never happened. It's like one of those confusing dreams where you wake up and three days later you still aren't sure if it was real or not. 

But then you look back at embarrassing pictures of yourself from your freshman year of high school and you're like, "Yeah...that happened."

So. For anyone about to embark on the college experience, I have a few things to say to you. Not that I'm probably particularly qualified to be doing so, but hey- WHY NOT:

1. You're going to be fine. SO FINE. Newsflash- The amount of people in your boat right now is almost causing it to capsize. You have no idea. So bring a life jacket, and

2. Talk to people. It took me a while to figure this out, but that's really all you have to do. You'd be surprised by how far a "am I the only one in this class who thinks the professor is on drugs?" will get you. I still have to push myself to do this due to my intrinsic introversion, but I've been getting better, and this is a good thing...I think...no, yes. Yes it is.

3. If you are a female person, just get used to the fact that guys won't ask you out. That is, they typically won't unless you're one of the annoying girls who make it their duty to be all up in everyone's business the first couple weeks. Learn to be okay with this. Dating isn't really that great anyways. It's actually kind of dumb. But the guys you'll meet later on will make up for the initial "everyone hates me and thinks I'm scary/unattractive" feelings. Trust me.

4. Pick classes by professor, not just by subject. I can honestly report that I have either absolutely loved or at least appreciated ALL of my classes so far in college by doing this. They've taught me much more than what's on the syllabus, have engaged my mind like few teachers in high school ever did, and helped me to figure out what really interests me- those things that I go home and research just because I want to. Learning has gone beyond the grades for me, and I could not be happier about this realization.

5. Call your mom. I cannot even begin to count how many times what I thought to be a crisis was immediately turned into the most laughable, insignificant trifle simply by going on a walk and talking to my mom. As much as you might still think it's not true, she knows you better than anyone else. I mean, you were once in her womb. You can't really get closer than that, believe me. My mother is the voice of reason, my editor, my venting buddy, and my best friend. Yes, you will make amazing friends in college, but never forget the one who's always just a phone call away and more than happy to relieve you of all your angsty, young adult dilemmas.

Oh, and you'll be fine...Did I say that already? Doesn't matter. Because you will be. So there.