TAYLOR SWIFT HAS A LOT OF AWESOME CLOTHES AND YOU SHOULD LOOK AT THEM

In case you're thinking "Man, Camryn is like, super obsessed with Taylor Swift or something. She already wrote about one of her songs a few months ago—what a creep.", you're right. I'm super obsessed. I own all of her albums and have her posters all over my house and I met her once and she signed my arm and I got a tattoo over the top of it to preserve her sweet, sweet signature forever. She makes me contemplate going blonde. She makes me want longer legs. She helps me shake off all the haters. I love her more than tacos, I love her more than my family, I love her more than my own life.

(This is where I raise my sarcasm hand, a la Dan Bergstein.)

Actually, I'm pretty indifferent about her—I hadn't even really heard "Blank Space" until about a week ago. I don't think people realize that you don't have to "pick sides" with popular celebrity superstar people. You don't have to hate Miley Cyrus or loovvvovovove Selena Gomez. You can be Switzerland—and that's okay. I promise. But I digress. (I WILL TALK ABOUT THIS IN THE FUTURE THOUGH BECAUSE FEELINGS.)

Anyways, while watching this music video for the first time, this is pretty much all I heard. I have translated my thoughts into alternate lyrics to the song, which I now give you permission to peruse at your leisure (as in they're right after this paragraph): 

CLOSET SPACE 

by Camryn T. Swift

Nice to meet you,

How you been?

Look! I wear a lot of beautiful things

I’ll be Barbie, You be Ken

Together we could dress up

In some clothes, what do you think?

Would this look better in pink?

I guess I’ll just try it onnnnnn!

(Repeat first verse because it's the same exact thing)

Do you dare me to change again?

I can wear 100 dresses in a weekend!

Look at this outfit!

Now look at this one too!

How about another outfit?

Look! It also comes in blue!

Got a lot of different outfits,

You’d think that I’m insane,

But here comes another different outfit,

‘Cause I’m Taylor Swift.

(Repeat all verses in one of those 24 hour loop videos on Youtube)

Fin.                                                                (8,283,435,028,459 views)

But seriously, the amount of outfit changes going on nearly gave me whiplash and I almost couldn't write satirically afterwards because my neck was bent at a dangerously unnatural angle and that throws me off. I would watch it again to make a count and prove my point, but I'm scared there were subliminal messages from the Illuminati thrown in between all of those quick outfit change scenes and I don't want to risk my allegiance to my country. (Also, I have no idea what I'm writing anymore and it's late and I'm still on campus and I am going a little insane, so let's just pretend this paragraph doesn't exist.)

GOODNIGHT.