If you had a spectacular childhood, chances are your parents read you the whimsical and often introspective poetry of Shel Silverstein. If they didn't, and you still think your childhood was good, YOU ARE WRONG. They didn't love you then and probably still struggle with conjuring up warm feelings whenever they're forced to think of you.
Because, I mean. Shel Silverstein. Just look at that face. Okay, maybe not. But really, this man was a rhyming genius, not to mention his ability to create compilations of that genius captivating enough to keep millions of readers enthralled decades after their publication. But alas, in 1999, after 69 years of being ridiculously awesome, the long and winding sidewalk of his life came to an end......too soon?
Luckily, years after his death, a series of poems he had been working on were discovered and the result was a posthumous collection not unlike his previous books entitled Every Thing On It. One poem found within its pages, "Masks," was particularly haunting to me. It goes a little something like this:
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| (Photo from Every Thing On It) |
She had blue skin,
And so did he.
He kept it hid
And so did she.
They searched for blue
Their whole life through,
Then passed right by--
And never knew.
Super depressing, right? But, at least for me, it's not just because these two individuals missed meeting a potential friend--someone just like them. Someone who would totally get them and all of the strange, idiosyncratic quirks they both possessed. The real reason this is upsetting hits a little closer to home because, as with all literature worth reading, we apply it to ourselves. I honestly can't see how someone could read this poem and not dwell on themselves in the process. I certainly did.
You see, I have a mask. Being a naturally reserved person, more than content with keeping to myself, it's been almost too easy for me to create a seemingly impenetrable wall around myself over the years. Obviously, I am a lot crazier than I let on most of the time. And up until the last year or so, only a select few were aware of the existence of my blue skin. And the most hypocritical part of it all was that I blamed OTHER people for it:
"Just because I don't feel inclined to make comments in class, everyone thinks I'm shy and it's RIDICULOUS AND STUPID AND DUMB," I would rant to my mother after a typical Tuesday in high school. I would complain about being put into a box, labeled with the words Everything We Allow Camryn to Be Based off of Our Limited Knowledge of Her, and I got really, really tired of it all. Exhausted, actually. Because from my perspective (of course), I was pretty dang normal- and definitely not scary. I was really just kind of awkward. People would often tell me after they got to know me about how they were initially scared to talk to me because I was, and I quote, "intimidating." This is the mask, people. And, as I've come to realize, being quiet is often wrongly interpreted this way.
Isn't it dreadful to think that there might be someone you associate with who also wears a mask, and because of your respective fronts you never realize how much you have in common? How you might both have a brilliant, identical shade of blue going on underneath it all? This is the point where I'd start telling you to just "be yourself," that elusive phrase we're told only about a gazillion times growing up, but I honestly can't say that without being a giant hypocrite.
As much as I thought I'd get rid of my mask when I came to college...I didn't. At least at first. But after a while I just got tired of it-- hiding yourself takes an exorbitant amount of energy. I came to realize that it's not everyone else's fault that they don't know me- the real me. If I wasn't displaying it, if I didn't let my guard down and let them in, how could I expect others to? So...I stopped caring as much. I came to understand that I might as well be my goofy, opinionated, awkward-situation-inducing self all of the time, even around those I am not acquainted with, because it's who I am, and wearing a mask isn't going to get me anywhere.
I'd like to report that this now occurs 100% of the time, but I still keep the mask around. I haven't quite managed to give it up. Not that there's anything wrong with being introverted- I'm definitely not saying that. Introverts are fantastic-- coming from a completely unbiased, objective third party, of course. You just have to learn how to not let that become a detriment to people getting to know you, and allow them to see you for who you really are.
Because when it comes down to it, I don't want to "pass right by" any opportunities in my life. Regrets are pretty much the worst things ever. I'm going to search for blue without covering it up in myself. And considering how many people undoubtedly strap on sizable masks every morning, odds are that there are a lot more blue-skinned individuals out there than we might realize.
So start looking. And seriously, leave the mask at home.
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